Penney: Prepare the device.
Greywing: protomatter is stable. hypermatter is holding a steady state of speed. antimatter is held within its shield and the nuclear matter's radiation is not leaking.
Mobius: we better hurry, the supernova is--
Underling: oh shit!
*the supernova swallows xyth*
Underling1: damn, I cant believe the ca'anian supernova has reached all the way over here!
Underling2: all the more reason to solve it before it consumes the galaxy!
Penney: quick! launch it launch it!
Vegas: its taking its sweet old... oh bloody hell!
Penney: vegas, what's wrong?!
Vegas: the supernova is generating a highly localised EMP!
Penney: *penney stands up* that's not the supernova's fault...
*just then, an extremely large and obviously new ta'yawhan superbattleship comes out of hyperspace*
Loki: whatever it is you are doing, penney, you must stop.
Penney: we are simply saving the universe, now if you please--
Loki: I'm not buying any more of your crap! prepare to die!
*loki fires an omnidestructor torpedo; it passes through the heat shield and impacts the generator*
Underling: direct hit on the shield generator.
Penney: treet, can we fire back?!
Treet: no. I did not design the cheetah with combat in mind, we had less than 5 minutes to design it either.
Penney: dammit! try to outrun them!
Mobius: if we put the device through too many G's--
Penney: divert power to G force reduction around the bomb!
Treet: sir! our outer hull is melting!
Greywing: attempting to compensate!
Vegas: WHAT THE F--
*they barely dodge another omnidestructor torpedo*
Penney: Loki are you out of your mind?! we have a protomatter bomb that if you detonate will be made useless!
Loki: whatever its for is obviously malevolant! you killed my family!
Penney: you are WAY outside ta'yawhan jurisdiction loki!
Loki: do you think I truly give a damn?!!! target their bomb with a hypermatter missile and detonate it!
*mobius takes control over the Cheetah and makes them dodge the missile*
Vegas: careful! we nearly caused it to start destabilizing!
Loki: Bring us about!
Underling: we cant turn away fast enough sir!
Loki: aww hell I knew I shouldn't have taken a crappy mercury class superbattler... *loki's superbattleship is consumed in the supernova; it accelerates after consuming the star inside*
Penney: Vegas! put the pedal to the medal with that damn bomb!
Vegas: it has destabilized admiral! I cant stop it from detonating!
Penney: I DONT CARE THAT ITS DESTABILIZING LAUNCH IT IMMEDIATELY!!!
Vegas: yes sir!
*the torpedo launches from the cheetah; it explodes just prior to hitting the supernova*
Treeet: and our production fascilities were on xyth too!
Greywing: waaait a minute im getting a reading here...
*the explosion implodes on itself*
Mobius: gravitational readings are... th-they are are off the scale!
Penney: alright hyperdrive us out of here. *seemingly nothing happens* why aren't we in hyperspace?!?!
Mobius: er... we are sir!
Treet: the engines arent capable of outpacing a black hole once we are in the event horizon!
Penney: teleport us out of here!
Mobius: subspace cannot be accessed!
Penney: space fold, destination irrelevant!
treet: space is too compressed to fold!
Mobius: sir! *mobius starts preparing for exposure to the vacuum of space* our engines are giving out!
Penney: everyone to the--
Greywing: they will be crushed sir!
*the hull starts crumbling*
Penney: shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit why cant we get out of here?!
*the entire ship gets pulled in; the entire ship is crumbling to pieces, however mobius activates an extremely high powerful antigravity field around himself. he enters the black hole*
Earth, California, somewhere in death valley, AD 2107, july 16
Penney: John why are you leaving!?
John: ask b--
*Brian storms out of the house*
Brian: John, you get your ass, back inside, NOW!!!
John: NO! Brian--
Brian: don't you brian me young man! your mother may be off planet, but I am still here to be your father!
John: well you ARE NOT MY GOD DAMN FATHER! *george decks brian*
Brian: pooh! *brian wipes blood out of his mouth* fine then! be an idiot! you will never be part of this family, you aren't even worthy of our blood! YOU, *brian points at penney* I told YOU to wash the damn car! how many god damn times do I have to tell-- *a brick shatters on brian's back; he turns around* YEAH YOU BETTER RUN! God damn!
Penney: *penney grabs the sponge and starts washing the hood of the car* jeez, this thing is an antique! why do I have to wash it? its not even his car... *penney starts scrubbing the hubcaps*I swear, your 14 years old, how are you supposed to do anything? Well, perhaps you can't yet. he's twice our size even with both of us standing on top of each other. hey! we can't do that! I know, but even if.
*penney opens up the door and starts dusting off the dashboard; he opens up the sunblock, and something falls out*
Penney: hey.... whats this? *penney picks up the car keys; he inserts them into the slot* Well, they fit. shall we turn it on? shut the door first. *penney shuts the door and buckles up* at least we arent the only ones with this extra size syndrome... *penney adjusts the seat to himself and buckles in* Hmm, what else? *penney adjusts the mirrors* Not bad looking, handsome. Now, how do you start this-- *the car's engine roars extremely loudly* LOCK THE DOORS LOCK THE DOORS!!! *penney locks the doors* Alright, no turning back now! *penney drives off just as brian runs out of the house*
30 seconds later
*the car radio rings*
Brian: hey there motherfucking ass hole! you get your damn ass back home, NOW! I dont care that you are the family's straight-A student! I dont care what your motherfucking bitch ass mother says! YOU LIVE IN MY DAMN HOUSE, YOU LIVE UNDER MY RULES! if you get even one motherfucking scratch on that motherfucking antique I am going to whip your as-- *penney turns off the phone*
Penney: dammit he curses like a sailor. doesn't he though? isnt that car engine a bit quiet lets put up some tunes. I wonder what he has? *penney turns on the music*
Radio: ...i need my machine! I can make'em eat a minigun, do a dance in their place, why you think i blow'em up, kick around the bodies, 'cause, i play game, game, game, game, game game!
Penney: aww hell yeah! my favorite! Hmm, we could sure use some wind, oh this is a convertable, right... *penney attempts to open up the hood; the leather top rips off* well, were in trouble now. were in trouble now that we got a scratch on his car, lets see how much more trouble, OH MY GOD THERE HE IS HEY JOHNNIE!!! *beep! beeeep!!! beep!beeeeep!!!!* *the car swerves but penney keeps it on the road*
John: What... in... the... flying... hell... is that kid doing??
Penney: oh my god oh my god this is so fun this is so fun!!!! holy shit 90 miles an hour already were going sooooo faaaassst!!!! YAHOOOOO!!!!!!
Mobius: hey cop, wassup?
Cop: Oh, nothing much. just sittin' here, chomping on my donuts and-- *belch* and drinking my booze. *penney zooms by at nearly 150 miles an hour*
Mobius: hey cop! aren't you gonna do something about that?
Cop: *the cop picks up the binoculars* hell no, he isnt endangering anyone and besides hes getting away from his dad.
Mobius: hey cop, last time I checked, you were supposed to uphold the law around here.
cop: last time I checked, I could arrest you any time i wanted to because I AM the laaw.
Mobius: technically, I have the strength to throw you for 6 miles and the accuracy to land you right into your mom's bed. she is having fun in that bedroom of hers with some male whore she hired, would you like me to demonstrate? no? well too late because you just nodded! *mobius picks up the cop and throws him* you might land a a couple dozen meters off the mark, that would be the wind!
*the cop lands straight into his mom's bedroom; the couple are as shocked as he is at what the hell just happened*
Penney: oh my god this is so much fun oh my god this is so much fun oh my god this is-- *a siren sounds behind him; penney looks behind him, and sees nothing*
Mobius: *mobius, driving the hover-bike, moves up to penney's left; penney is looking behind him to his right* Citizen, pull over.
Penney: OH MOTHERGODFUCKERSHIT *penney turns the car right*
Mobius: what is that kid... hes admiral penney. I almost forgot. *mobius turns to chase him*
Penney: OH MY GOD WERE ALREADY BREAKING 200!!!!!
*the car runs over a fence*
Penney: did we just run over the military fence?! why is nobody but that damn cop chasing us? hell, why are we still moving?
*penney notices there's a cliff coming up*
Penney: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! *penney drops the car to bottom gear, turns it left, and leaps out of the car*
Mobius: oh god penney dont die *mobius hits his wrist panel; the gravity effecting penney is compounded by a factor of 20. he is still sliding off. its compounded by 50. he reaches the edge. it is reduced by half its natural strength. penney pulls himself over the edge and mobius releases the gravity control*
Penney: oh god, we are NEVER going to do that ag....
Mobius: citizen, what is your name?
Penney: *penney gets up* Problem officer? *penney puts on a troll face* My name is Penney del Froyale.
Is there a problem, officer?
Earth, somewhere in australia, 2114, december 31
Treet: I may be just a 17-year-old kid, penney, but I'm better at this than most hell I even designed a better plane than you did!
Penney: really? hadn't noticed.
Treet: oh are you going to pull that pegasus card again? look, that damn thing was a fluke! that was the pnnacle of your imagination pulled from the darkest reaches of your mind and slapped onto paper!
Penney: well, I was hoping you wouldn't pull me away from what I was planning on doing.
Treet: oh really? and what are you-- why am I asking a pervert this?
Penney: I'm taking the test. again.
Treet: WHAT?! you are taking the Farragut test again?!
Penney: well, doesn't it bother you that nobody has ever passed the test in its long and sad 70 year history?
Treet: look, penney, nobody passes the farragut test and nobody goes back for seconds, let alone fourths! you are already working on fifths.
Penney: look, I gotta study! *penney pats treet's shoulder and runs off
Treet: ...study, my ass!
Jane: penney, I think I love you.
Penney: oh, that is so weird.
Jane: what? Lights. *the lights come on* I say I love you and you say that is so weird?
Penney: oh, actually, I expected you to say that.
Penney: that's why that is so weird! normally, you are about as predictable as my mom's husband when he's drunk! today, I expected that, oh right on time baby, at exactly 4:23 PM, you would say that you loved me.
Jane: oh my god. GET the FUCK out!
Penney: ok if you want me to leave then I'll-
Jane: no, stay. that phrase simply sounds less cheesy than the jee-tee-eff-oh.
Penney: i see. well, in any case, how much time do we have?
Jane: all of today and tomorrow.
Penney: well, great. listen, tomorrow, at 3:16 pm exactly, you are going to check your email in box. it has a message from me.
Jane: from you!! oh great!! how did you get my email?
Penney: that's confidential, I'm afraid.
Jane: well, what does it say?
Penney: no, no, i cant say it its its too awkward to say in person.
Jane: oh come on, penney...
Penney: trust me, it is very sweet, and--
Jane: oh my god someone is at the door.
Jane: just-- quick! just get under the bed!
Jane: I promised my room mate that I would stop bringing guys over.
Penney: what?? how many--
Jane: just-- just... *penney gets under the bed and jane repositions herself to look like she just rolled over* Hi.
Jane: how are you?
Hoshi: I'm fine.
Jane: what's happening?
Hoshi: oh, nothing. I was just at the space lab, doing listening duty. apparantly, someone illegally broke into our computer archive and accessed confidential information, namely, contact information. we have been investigating who, but from what we could tell the person that did it was all the way in india.
Penney: *thinking* thank you, jenna.
Hoshi: we couldnt track it down beyond that. after nearly 4 hours of trying, my superior officer told me that I was going to recieve a bonus and sent me back here.
Jane: so, you aren't going back to the lab tonight?
Hoshi: *hoshi stops changing clothes and turns around* Jane, who is he?
Jane: who's who?
Hoshi: the mouth breather hiding under your bed.
Penney: *exasperated* you could hear me breathing?!
Penney: Big day tomorrow.
Hoshi: Get OUT!
Penney: jane loves me.
Hoshi: I said, get out!
Penney: if I pass will you tell me your last name?
Hoshi: no, now get out! and take these with you!
the next day
Hoshi: we are recieving a distress signal from the USS Farragut, they have struck a pirate land mine and are requesting assistance.
Penney: Farragut is requesting assistancee..... captain.
Treet: we are in greek water.
Treet: shouldn't we, i don't know, fire back?!
Penney: nope. *crunch*
Treet: ...of course not.
Yuri: he's too ralaxed, is he not taking this test seriously?
*the testers shrug*
Penney: alert medical bay to recieve all crew members.
Treet: penney, we cant even get to them.
Penney: alert medical.
Jane: penney did me!
*all the little schoolgirls start to squeal, but they keep themselves from giving jane away*
Heather: how big was he?
Jane: uhh, flag pole sized. and it is... 3:16 now, so I should be checking my email.
*jane goes to a computer terminal and opens her email box*
Jane: george, george, george, george, ryan, george, george, lepelier, lepelier again, lepelier yet again i cant believe he overdid fixing that typo, george, george, george, george, john, george, penney, george-- wait, there it is. *jane opens up the email*
Email: Hey, jane, I love you. good bye.
Jane: ....what the fuck? that's it?
*the lights flicker and the computer screen gives her the blue screen of death*
Yuri: What the--?! What's going on?!
*the lights come back on*
Penney: hmm. arm torpedoes, prepare to fire at the cruisers.
Treet: penney, their armor is still polarized and their interceptors are still energized.
Penney: are they? *crunch*
treet: er... derp... no. they aren't.
Hoshi: I don't understand. why did the turks stop firing?
Penney: fire on all enemy cruisers, one torp each should do, lets not waste ammunition.
Tactical: target locked.
Penney: fire when ready.
*all 8 of the enemy cruisers start sinking as soon as the explosion occurs beneath them*
Penney: pew, pew, pew. begin rescue. SO, we have managed to eliminate all enemy ships, nobody on board was injured, and the successful rescue of the farragut crew, is, underway. *crunch* *penney faces the camera* Well?? is that it??
Yuri: how in the hell did that kid beat your test?
Mobius: *dumbfounded* I... do, not, know.
*the next day*
Yuri: Ensign Penney, I... I don't know what to say, except that you are really the only person to ever beat that test.
Penney: Thank you.
Yuri: and to top it all off, your solution was, shall we say, most unique.
Penney: thank you again.
Yuri: you are awarded the gold medal for completing the test successfully. gold is really all we have, because nobody has ever beat the test.
Penney: thank you again.
Yuri: you may be seated. NEXT!!
Announcer: and the person to recieve the next award is...
Jane: penney, I know what you did.
Penney: What i did?
Jane: you used my email address to plant a virus into the simulation computer.
Penney: isnt that impressive, though? thanks for covering my ass, now they think it was legit. besides, it was, and now I have this gold medal I can brag about in the future.
Jane: yeah, well...
Penney: look, I am the only one to pass this test. doesn't that say something about me? I look at a problem and find a solution and if there is none, I make one.
Jane: huh, I never thought of it that way.
Code: Select all
only jane and penney know that penney used a virus to beat the test. now that penney has said what he has, jane's not goint to tell their secret either.
Oh, and by the way, we can keep this going at the same time as we do the merged circular alliance, I would like that to happen. this is something fun to add to penney's back story.
also of note, mobius's name means infinity; he comes out of the black hole in approximately BC 1000 and re-enters it at approximately AD 6000 earth time. his infinity loop is 7000 years long.