Escapades of the Nameless Shogun

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Escapades of the Nameless Shogun

Postby Wv_Hawk_vW » Thu Apr 26, 2012 4:13 am

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Note, this has little to do with the primary storyline and only shares the nameless shogun (and everything under his command) and a few races.


During their ongoing mission, the muerteuntergang pirate gang known only as the Juggernoughts are rescuing the fair Aphrodite from the slimy monster known as Dengar, a mighty electron-sorcerer who can manipulate objects from afar!

Dengar: Mwuhahaha!!! My dear lady, what shall I cook for you, hmm? would you prefer pizza or hamburgers? well? speak to me! *dengar turns around* oh, right. *dengar removes the gag and cuffs from Aphrodite*
Aphrodite: what kind of an insane maniac captures someone only to act like she is his wife?!
Dengar: only me, my lady. Trust me, once i can trust that you won't run away the moment I untie you, i will. but until then, you are going to have to stay there. and don't bother trying to break the lock, it's made of diamond steel, and trying to pick it will only zap the crap out of you.

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Aphrodite is in an abdominal lock. basically, its a vest wrapped around your abdomin, and the lock is on your back. it is very effective for tethering someone when you want to leave their arms and legs free to use.

Aphrodite: I'm not going to eat whatever you give me.
Dengar: somehow, I have a hard time believing a person who hasn't eaten in four days could possibly resist a hot meal. *dengar puts down a plate of pizza and Aphrodite gets on her knees and starts snarfing it down* Just as i th--
*suddenly, the door slams open; dengar reflexively uses his electron sorcery to cuff and gag Aphrodite*
Brutus: alright, dengar, hand over the princess!
Killsnake: yeah! or else I will take your fucking cock and shove it up your very own ass!
Brutus: please, killsnake, not with the satellite monitoring us.
Dengar: Hah! i have a hard time understanding why you would want to take princess Aphrodite away from paradise! but if you insist, I shall meet your terms and conditions-- But, you must do something for me.
Brutus: what must we do?
Dengar: Get my riddles right and i will hand over the princess.
Brutus: spit it out already!
Dengar; First think of the person who lives in disguise, Who deals in secrets and tells naught but lies, Next tell me what's always the last thing to mend, The middle of middle and end of the end? And finally give me the sound often heard, During the search for a hard-to-find word. Now string them together, and answer me this, Which creature would you be unwilling to kiss?
Killsnake: hmm...
Brutus: its a spider.
Dengar: very good! now, What goes on four legs in the morning, on two legs at noon, and on three legs in the evening?
five minutes later
Dengar: OW! OWW!!!
*killsnake is holding dengar with his hands behind his back, with one hand, and by his hair with the other, while brutus beats the crap out of him*
Killsnake: sorry, we are Juggernoughts.
Dengar: but it's not fair! you got the riddle wrong!
*brutus decks dengar, then killsnake lets him go long enough to pull out a blaster and shoots dengar in the chest. then brutus pulls out a sword and removes one of dengar's hands. killsnake grabs the sword and starts repeatedly stabbing dengar over and over and over*
Brutus: keep stabbing him! stab him until his very blood is bleeding! oh hell, look at what that damn bastard did to you. lets get you out of this. *brutus removes the cuffs, gag, and the abdominal lock*
Dengar: But! it's GAHH!!! not! FAIR!!!
Killsnake: I'm not through with you! *kill snake starts pummling dengar*
Brutus: lets go killsnake.
Dengar: Gah!... when the moon eclipses on the fifth day of the third month of the fifty-sixth year of the --
Killsnake: shut up before i make good on my previous threat!
Dengar: second millenium after the birth of the son of the creater of the universe, my power will be infinite! i can even defeat--
Killsnake: ALRIGHT YOU ASKED FOR IT!!!!!
*killsnake tackles dengar into his throne and starts ripping him apart; he shreds all his clothing, rips off his unmentionable, and shoves it up his ass*
Brutus: ouch, that's going to hurt after a while if he survives.
Shogun: I thought i told you that all i wanted was for you to pay the ransom.
*brutus and killsnake jump out of their skin as they realize their boss was watching them this whole time*
Brutus: WOAH!!! but-- but-- but-- he was raping her and he was torturing her and--
Aphrodite: hes lying.
Killsnake: shut up bitch! *killsnake backhand-slaps aphrodite*
Shogun: i figured as much. your fired. oh, and sinse you are the one holding my ransom money, where is it?
Brutus: my ship.
Shogun: you mean the one i destroyed trying to find it?
Brutus: dammit!
Shogun: sinse you aren't telling me, *shogun draws his sword, removes brutus's left arm, and sheathes it all in one swift stroke*
Brutus: ARGH!!! MOTHRFUCKINGDAMMIT MY ARM!!!
Shogun: you are losing your other if you don't tell me where it is.
Killsnake: I ATE IT!!!
*shogun slices killsnake's belly open and pulls out the plastic-bagged check he wrote to the Juggernoughts*
Shogun: lets go, aphrodite. next time, i suggest you keep your language clean if you are bugged. *shogun locks them in as he shuts the door* Galaxos, beam dengar directly to sickbay and then bombard this place.
Rudy: aye sir.
*a single bullet comes screaming out of orbit and the entire throneroom is obliterated*
Shogun: alright. did you let him or did he kidnap you?
Aphrodite: I suspect vancleef hired dengar. he only hires gentlemanly criminals to work for him.
Shogun: makes sense. *shogun and aphrodite enter the manta-ray* 20% thrust, aphrodite, the gravity of this planet is weak so let's not waste fuel.
*manta-ray takes off immediately and soon goes into space*
Computer: now landing on galaxos. hands off the controls, no need to cause a crash landing due to pilot error.
*shogun and aphrodite both release the manta-ray's controls*
Computer: Landing complete. you may now exit the craft.
*shogun and aphrodite leave the manta-ray and shogun goes straight to the medical bay*
Doctor: he's--
Dengar: your medical techniques are superior to any i have ever seen. nobody has ever been able to regrow a decapitated limb in 10 minutes flat, and surely nobody has ever been able to heal a stab through the chest.
Shogun: how long does he have?
Doctor: his wounds looked worse than they really were, the barbarians weren't very exact in their attempt to kill. i think they were more after quenching their bloodthirst than killing him.
Shogun: how long does he have to live, doc?
Doctor: well, how old did you say you were?
Dengar: 27.
Doctor: he has approximately 73 years assuming he doesn't get shot and killed, or experience disease.
Dengar: seriously? I'll live to be 90?
Doctor: that's how long you'll live as long as you recieve proper treatment throughout your life, and so long as you don't get yourself murdered.
Shogun: alright. may i have a moment with him?
Doctor: sure.
*the doctor leaves the room*
Dengar: before you ask, my client not only paid me to let him remain anonymous but he was untrusting enough to stay anonymous even after the deal was made. he was going to double my pay for succeeding in delivering aphrodite to the coordinants X54 Y78 Z92.
Shogun: and what if he isn't at those coordinants?
Dengar: i may have gotten them wrong, my memory has always been faulty when dealing with numbers, hence why i hated being an accountant.
Shogun: if i paid you, would they be accurate?
Dengar: even if you gave me the universe i couldn't be sure. i hate mathes and i especially hate remembering numbers, except my woman's phone number.
Shogun: alright then. Rudy, set a course for alpha centauri.
Rudy: Aye sir. helm, FTL speed. bridge out.
Shogun: does he need further treatment?
Doctor: i would like to keep him under examination for another 24 hours if that's alright with you.
Shogun: alright. im heading for the bridge. Aphrodite, take a room and make yourself at home.
*shogun and aphrodite leave at the same time, but go different directions*
Jumbo Omega Elevator (Joe): Level please.
Shogun: bridge.
Joe: thank you.
10 seconds later
Shogun: report. why have we stopped.
Rudy: unknown. investigating now. we stopped less than 2 seconds before you came onto the bridge.
Jupiter: there are 6 muerteuntergang fighters and a gatokatzen science cruiser coming from various directions!
Shogun: don't bother hailing them. the gatokatzen wouldn't willingly work with the muerteuntergang, i bet they captured the ship and killed the crew.
Hoff: they are charging weapons. prepare for battle!
Computer: the gatokatzen science vessel is hailing us.
Shogun: on viewer.
Computer avatar: this is Vancleef. I have been informed that my client has been killed. we are cancelling any previous meeting scheduled.
Computer: signal cut off at the source.
Shogun: target their reactor and fire a railgun bullet at it.
*the gatokatzen ship's reactor detonates when the railgun bullet penetrates the scarcely armored hull*
Shogun: no bodies came out of the explosion, it's unmanned. hit the cruiser with the primary laser and shoot anti-fighter flak at the muerteuntergang.
*the gatokatzen ship is vaporized and the muerteuntergang are rapidly dispatched*
Shogun: take us back to earth.
Rudy: aye sir. *rudy pushes a few buttons, galaxos turns around, and it converts into tachyons as the tachyon conversion drive activates* Tachyon conversion drive activated smoothly. we should be there in about 12 hours.
Shogun: that's a bit slow, did you slow us just enough to have a party and to give the doctor time to treat the hangovers?
Rudy: and an hour to spare. jupiter needs to work on the sensor array again.
Shogun: understood. B shift report to the bridge. my friends, shall we procede?
*everyone goes to the JOE and it takes them to the ball room*
the next day
Joshua cleerance: here's your $10,000,000 reward plus a $500,000 haste bonus.
Shogun: thank you, joshua.
Aphrodite: Father, what are you going to do with dengar?
Joshua: I'm not going to do anything to him until he breaks out of the closet. then I can interrogate him.
Shogun: my, my, of all the things I have seen you do, closet interrogation is not one of the things in your repertoire.
Aphrodite: father has been looking to expand his skill set.
Joshua: vancleef has stopped his gang activity and i have lost all competition. in order to stay sharp i must expand my skill set elsewhere, so i am interrogating.
Shogun: alright then. have a good day.

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Each story post must have 1 complete mission (doesn't have to be a long mission, could even be something as simple as saving a lost puppy), manta-ray must only be used if the mission goes beyond the scope of a mere personal problem, galaxos must not be used for anything less than that which the nameless shogun otherwise cannot normally do himself with his own abilities. Manta-ray and it's capabilities count as part of shogun's abilities. example: an indestructible tank that even an manta-ray cannot bust is worthy of orbital bombardment from galaxos. second example:  manta-ray cannot use FTL so galaxos is needed for space-travel. also, Joshua cleerence must be involved in paying shogun, somehow, and Vancleef must be involved with the bad guys, somehow, and if it involves a damsel in distress, aphrodite must be included and in the damsel position.
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Re: Escapades of the Nameless Shogun

Postby Wv_Hawk_vW » Fri Apr 27, 2012 6:06 am

Shogun: my god, that man's huge!
George: but can you handle him?
Shogun: son, there isn't a thing out there that I can't handle. however, it's not going to be easy making the assassination of Brian C Hawke public, not when he has both size and numbers advantage.
George: my boys will handle them, but do you think 6 is enough to hold off 25 guards?
Shogun: trust me, if i had my armor, this would be a cakewalk. i've held off entire legions of troops with my armor. even without it, though, I'm deadlier than you think. just let the 4 provide a distraction and i will take out all 25 guards.
George: ok.
Rudy: you sure you don't want to have--
Shogun: shut up rudy, i don't need any distractions. you know what? leaving this bug on me was a bad idea, there are guards looking my way. remove your earpiece and tell everyone to do the same. *shogun pulls his earwhig out and stomps on it*
Gangster1: hey ass holes!
Gangster2: this city ain' big'nuff for da boff'ff us!
Gangster3: you guys are idiots!
Gangster4: you guys are even bigger idiots than that fool Vancleef!
*the guards pull out their guns and start shooting at the gangsters, who quickly retalliate with a bunch of uzis. the guards start approaching the gangsters, leaving Hawke vulnerible*
Gangster5: floor it, damn you!!!
Gangster6: if we go any faster we won't be able to stop!
Gangster5: damn you if we go any slower those cops will catch up to us! this car is rated at nearly 400 miles an hour and you are barely doing 60!!
*the car starts accelerating, and gangster5 pokes his head out.
Gangster5: there he is! hand me the '47!
*gangster5 puts most of his upper body out the window and starts spraying. the drive-by shooting easily kills Hawke*
George: this is fat bear. mission accomplished, return to breeding grounds.
Gangster1: this is salmon. understood. we are pinned down, can you assist us?
Gangster5: get in.
Shogun: right. *shogun gets in*
Gangster6: we can do a little bit more than that. take this.
*gangster 6 shoves another AK-47 into shogun's arms*
Shogun: I got a better idea. *shogun pulls out his sword and cuts a roof in the ceiling of his car* never leave home unarmed, rule number 4.
Gangster 6: h-hey! what are you doing!?
Ganster 5: more '47s for me!
*shogun leaps out of the car, and lands right in front of several guards. he slices their legs off before bringing the sword up and stabbing it into the obvious leader. he pulls out a couple of knives and throws them at two more guards. the remaining 16 guards scramble to reload, a process shogun estimates will take 6 seconds. he then pulls the sword out of the corpse and throws it, killing 7 more guards as the others dive out of its way. the one guard who actually thought to pack a machine gun, an M-16, kills the pinned-down gangsters. soon shogun finds himself surrounded*
Shogun: well, THIS is an interesting predicament.
George: for your information, i bribed these guards to make your job easier.
Shogun: you? seriously?
George: yes.
Shogun: I don't suppose that I know what you are planning on doing.
George: what would you bet?
Shogun: let me guess, you are planning on shooting those things until you are empty and then attempting to reload, is this not the case?
George: well, yes...
*while he is saying this shogun is backing himself into a corner*
Shogun: and it will take you each approximately 12 seconds to reload your very poorly chosen pistoles, except you because it takes nearly 30 whole minutes to reload that machine gun, is this true?
George: all true...
Shogun: you don't even stand a chance!
George: I don't see how. all you have is your bloody knives and your fancy karate gimmicks. we have GUNS!
Shogun: no, what you have are bullets and the hope that when your guns are empty, i will be dead, because if I'm not, you will be dead before you've reloaded.
George: that's impossible!
Shogun: not really, considering i have killed 20 men in 10 seconds using just my bare hands before, and this time you have only 10 people and i have a knife for each of you.
George: have you ever dodged five hundred thousand bullets shot at nearly automatic-weapon speeds?!
Shogun: fewer in higher speeds, but the quantity and speed shouldn't make that much of a difference. lets see if my theory holds true.
George: kill him!
*everyone starts shooting. at the nameless shogun. he dodges extremely elaborately, and in 30 seconds not even a single bullet has so much as grazed his skin.*
George: But-- but--!! *george is in shock*
Shogun: hurr! my turn.
*shogun pulls out one, no, two knives, and throws them at the guards on george's sides*
George: WHAT THE--?!
Shogun: not finished!
*shogun pulls out two more knives, twirls them around, and charges after the nearest guard. he gives him a nut-cracker and stabs him in the back.*
George: reload!! RELOAD DAMN YOU BASTARDS!!!
*shogun throws a knife at the first person to start reloading. he decks the next person and shoves another knife in the side of his head. he pulls out this knife and throws it at yet another guard. 4 remaining.*
George: damn you faster!!!!
Shogun: oh here i come! reload faster you idiot, you can't out run me, i'm the ginger bread man!
*shogun slices his belly open, stabs him in the chest with the same knife, and throws him behind himself. 3 remaining.*
Shogun: uh-oh! too late! fly like a birdy!
*shogun cross-slices one of the guards, then slices the wrist of the second guard. then he stabs him in the chin, removes the knife, twirls it into throwing position, and tosses it just in time to hit the last guard squarely in the eyes right before he can fire his newly reloaded gun*
George: die!!! DIE!!!! *george starts unloading the the AK-47 he picked up from one of the guards* why won't you DIE!!! *the AK-47 runs out of bullets* ...why won't you die?
Shogun: believe me, sometimes I wonder how myself, but every single bullet you lob at me motivates me to usher in the future, when lead is no longer the primary weapon of choice. believe me, because beneath this fine suit there is more than just polyester, george, beneath this suit and tie, there is an idea, one that the future i am creating is brighter than the one i came from-- and IDEAS ARE BULLET PROOF!!! *shogun wraps his hands around george's neck and cuts off his blood supply, thus knocking him un-conscious*
Rudy: i was watching that. that was awes--
Shogun: cut the slack, rudy, i need a way out and i want it yesterday.
Rudy: we sent the manta-ray down the moment the cops started jamming radio signals. nanobots aren't getting you out of this one. she should be arriving any moment now.
Shogun: alright, th--
*a massive dust cloud suddenly forms in front of shogun*
Shogun: decloak. *the manta-ray appears right before shogun's eyes. he grabs george, puts him in the passenger seat, and gets in himself* reactivate the walton mirage device. maximum thrust.
Computer: understood.
*manta-ray takes off just as the police start encroaching on the fight scene*

Joshua: did you kill hawke?
Shogun: yes.
Joshua: good. i hated him anyway. here's a check for--
Clown: me! *a clown swings in and crashes through the window. several dozen burglars start crashing in through the windows. shogun rapidly pummel down the people in the office room*
Shogun: listen. hear that?
Joshua: you take the dining hall. i'll defend the vault.
Shogun: no, YOU take the dining hall. aphrodite deserves to fight with her father and i am better at defending massive cash-holding vaults.
Joshua: and what if i say no? all i have to do is let them get into the vault, lock them in, and detonate it. the gold can't be incinerated, the vault is easy to replace and the explosives easier to make, while i take care of the intruders. you can't do the same, it takes voice authorization.
Shogun: good point.
Joshua: perhaps your idea was better, though.
Shogun: never cross brains with me. my logic is un-deniable. *shogun breaks the window open so he can jump out*
Joshua: uh, shogun, we are nearly 20 stories up.
Shogun: I'm not jumping all the way down. *shogun jumps onto manta-ray's cloaked wing* decloak. *shogun gets in and manta-ray disappears*
Joshua: ...sometimes i wish i had that thing!

Aphrodite: alright everyone just stay calm, whatever is happening--
Clown: we're HERE!!!!!
*the clown busts open the door*
Joker: Hahahahahahaha, hehehehee, hoo ha ha ha he he he ha ha ho. Where, is, joshua cleerence?
Man: why should we tell you?
Clown: we're--
Joker: your jokes are bad, alfred, let me do the talking. We just so happen to be tonights entertainment, overshadowing anything that could have previously happened in a large way.
Man: are you being paid by our host?
Joker: would you like for us to be paid by your host?
Man: obviously you aren't--
Joker: you know what I just realized? *sniff!* you smell like apples. I HATE APPLES! Apple jack cracked his hat open because he pissed me off, which is why i hate apples. *joker takes the man's drink, pours it out, eats the olive, and throws it behind his back*
Woman: how rude!
Joker: I know. I'm trying to suppress my kindness and be more rude than i already am, but it's because of beautiful women like you that I can't be more rude than I am.
*a couple of clowns start pounding on the woman*
Joker: and what do we have here? the grand prize for the grand champion! the everbeloved aphrodite!
Aphrodite: you and your men are going to stop this RIGHT NOW!
Joker: and what makes you think that what your saying isn't falling on deaf ears?
Aphrodite: the fact that your ears are bleeding.
Joker: are they? *joker feels his left and right ears* well, that killed my attempt for deafness. You look nervous, what's wrong is it my scars?
Aphrodite: no, it's the fact that you are a clown and anyone who has seen the 1988 film known only as 'IT' is completely and totally freaked out by clowns. I had the fortune of only seeing one scene, but you still look like him.
Joker: very impressive. i should like to see this, 'IT' of yours. *joker advances on aphrodite, and she knees him in the testes* Ah, I see you have a little fight in you. I like having a piece of meat that I actually have to chew before i can swallow.
Aphrodite: you view me as a piece of meat?
Joker: Not just any meat! not just any piece of pork or a mere piece of shredded tenderloin, no I see you as a very, very rare cut of absolutely delicious, juicy, irresistable steak! you are not just a piece of meat, you are the world's greatest steak and I am about to eat you right here and now.
Aphrodite: unfortunately, this steak is a little undercooked! *aphrodite takes joker's hand, puts it to the table, and pins it there by stabbing a fork into it*
Joker: ow! well now we know that we need to cook you a little bit more. *joker pills the fork out* but I like one like you, one who isn't afraid of a little fight.
Shogun: then you are going to absolutely love me.
Joker: what?? *shogun decks joker and the clowns descend on him*
Shogun: i said that you were going to love me if you like someone who isnt afraid of fighting, because for me, fighting is like breathing.
Joker: is that so? alright then, kill him.
*three clowns aproach shogun while aiming their guns at him; they shoot and he dives. one tackles him while the other two start shooting at shogun. shogun breaks the clown's neck, pulls out his sword, and kills the other two*
Joker: very impressive if i must say so myself, but tell me, have you ever gotten any blood on that suit of yours? *joker ducks and avoids a deck; he forces a knife into shogun's back* I see you are not invulnerable! *joker grabs aphrodite and goes to the window*
Aphrodite: let me go!
Joker: you should realize by know that I feel no pain and your assaults are useless. *joker shoots the window behind him and starts hanging aphrodite out*
Shogun: let her go.
Joker: poor choice of words. *joker lets go*
Shogun: idiot. *shogun tackles joker, grabs aphrodite mid-flight, and positions them to where aphrodite would land on shogun would land on joker would land on a taxi cab. the combined weight crushes joker* You alright?
Aphrodite: yeah.
Shogun: joshua's dealing with the rest of the clowns as we speak. i hate people who dress like villains from old videos.
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Re: Escapades of the Nameless Shogun

Postby Wv_Hawk_vW » Mon Apr 30, 2012 12:22 am

another electron sorcerer, who goes by the name Agahnim, is plotting one of few things that could defeat the nameless shogun.

Joker: I may have managed to get away from the nameless shogun, but it took all of my resources.
Vancleef: I know. thats why I am keeping you as a meer personal bodyguard. you are useful, but you are drained.
George: sorry I'm late!
Vancleef: how much information did he get out of you?
George: he figured out that the information in my cortex was false and tried to kill me. i managed to fake the death.
Vancleef: then my device is working. now, lets begin. does ANYONE know where my money is?
Osama: yes, im holding it, but I will not disclose the information pertaining to it's location.
Vancleef: why is that?
Osama: there could be bugs in that room of yours. if i tell you where it is, the bugs will tell whoever planted them where it's at and you will be bankrupt.
Agahnim: you do realise--
Vancleef: FREEZE YOUR ASS INTO THE GROUND!
Osama: Get that guy out of here.
Agahnim: are you sure you want to ruin this suit? it's very expensive, you should know, you bought it.
Vancleef: give me one reason I shouldn't sic my guards here on you!
Joker: i dont think he would taste good.
George: *waving both hands* I want to hear his proposal. he didn't come all the way here to kill us otherwise we would be dead, and he didnt come here to kill himself.
Agahnim: right. now, lets wind the clocks back a few years. nobody would ever dare cross with you. you held the only gang powerful enough to take down the united states, and were just about to do that, when this other rival gang just popped up out of san francisco and started claiming all your turf. now we are sitting here in switzerland, trying to plan something in the light of day. what, have your balls dropped off?
Joker: enough from him! he's making ME look bad!
Agahnim: not yet, you should see what's next. what we need to do, is we need to elliminate the nameless shogun.
Vancleef: you think we aren't doing that already? hes dead.
Agahnim: you sure? *agahnim points at george*
George: he isnt.
Vancleef: you told me he was!
George: that was while i had a speech shifter on my spine. if i wanted to say one fact when said fact was supposed to be different, i would state it differently. if you want to figure out how it works, i left it at the base.
Vancleef: alright, your cool then.
Agahnim: as i was saying, you need to find a better clients than the ones you are working with. the-- the-- the television set's plan, there, it is pretty much unreliable. I must admit, keeping your money at arms length is a definite way to get rid of it.
*osama turns off the camera and the TV set explodes*
Vancleef: what just happened!
Agahnim: your TV probably overloaded.
Vancleef: so what's your plan?
Agahnim: I can take care of him, easily.
George: if you can do it, why don't you do it already?
Agahnim: i could do it, but then i would have to deal with you guys. i don't want to spend the next 160 years dealing with cybercriminal co.'s thinking im their worst nightmare when i destroy the one thing keeping world domination out of their hands.
Vancleef: how much do you want? name your price.
Agahnim: ahem. *agahnim waves his left hand at everyone* I want half of everything you guys own.
George: we can pay that.
Vancleef: no we cant.
Joker: yes we can.
Guard: i can give you half my bullets! *the guard pulls out his gun, agahnim points at it, and the gun literally melts in his hand*
Agahnim: lets not blow all this out of proportion, shall we?!
Joker: enough of this! *joker pulls out a knife and prepares to throw it at agahnim, when agahnim opens up his coat and reveals a HUGE amount of grenades*
Agahnim: didn't want to resort to this!
Vancleef: I'm sending word out! five mil for this guy dead, ten mil for him alive so i can teach him some manners first.
Agahnim: i suggest you don't let my body get close to you, you will regret it.
George: he's right, you--
Vancleef: shut up george! hes messing with all our minds!
Agahnim: ya know, your right.
George: no hes not.
Guard: agreed.
Vancleef: you just leave. we will all be happier.
Agahnim: well, before i leave, here's a call card with my number. *agahnim sets down his business card and leaves*
Joker: your right. he was messing with my mind.
George: wow, what the hell was i thinking?
Vancleef: im probably the only one who wasn't completely dominated by what he was doing.
Joker: i wasnt completely dominated, but only because im used to dealing with most of my mind being destroyed anyway.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the world...
Shogun: die, foul beast!
Aphrodite: you are as weak as a bunny rabbit!
Shogun: hey, in one of your favorite games the hero got turned into a pink bunny! *shogun slashes, but intentionally misses*
Aphrodite: thats different! he was a rabbit in his soul, and thats why he got turned into a rabbit when he entered the dark realm! *aphrodite attempts to stab, but shogun dodges and she runs into a suit of armor*
Shogun: you look better with a knight helmet on your head.
Aphrodite: and you look better when im winning! *aphrodite starts throwing pieces of the armor suit at shogun*
Shogun: come now, this game has no winners! *shogun easily dodges all pieces of armor*
Aphrodite: yes it does! *aphrodite tackles shogun, gets on top of him, and puts the blade to his neck*
Shogun: well, this is an interesting predicament.
Aphrodite: shall you concede to my point that there ARE winners to this game, or would you rather stay in this position? I know that I would prefer the latter of the two.
Shogun: oh, theres always another option.
Aphrodite: is that so?
*shogun picks up the helmet that aphrodite threw at him, and bashes her upside the head; he gets up and puts her at the tip of his sword*
Shogun: yes, there is, which is why there is never a winner to our contest.
Aphrodite: I see your point.
Joshua: CRAP! CRAP! EVERYONE! TO BATTLE! *joshua runs into the contest room and hurls a rifle at aphrodite like it's a javelin*
Aphrodite: what is it father?
Joshua: we are under attack! EVERYBODY OUT!!!
Shogun: hes right a bombs coming!
*shogun grabs aphrodite and the trio run out the nearest window, just as the room gets destroyed; they fall several stories before the manta-ray catches them*
Shogun: you two, off the plane. *shogun pilots the manta-ray into a window. aphrodite and joshua get off and shogun flies to intercept one of the bombers*
Rudy: shogun what was that?! I heard an explosion and--
Shogun: scan the area! what other airplanes are in the area?!
Rudy: there are about 20 muerteuntergang fighters in the area and-- CRAP! there's a battlecruiser decloaking and bombarding your area.
Shogun: destroy it. I'm going to handle the fighters down here.
*manta-ray practically flies straight into one of the fighters; the pilot latches onto his wing*
Shogun: off my wing you jerk!
*shogun spins and the pilot lets go, being pulled into the intake on one of his engines*
Rudy: the battlecruiser is entering the atmosphere! you should see something big and fiery coming your way!
Shogun: i see it! couldn't you nuke it before it got this far?!
Rudy: no, the debris would have flown into the atmosphere.
Shogun: I'm going to try to handle it!
Rudy: looks like its launching fighters!
Shogun: yes, i need some orbital bombardment on that battlecruiser! its headed for san francisco and is big enough to take out the entire city if it hits!
*suddenly the battlecruiser flashes and its gone; there's still a smoke trail behind*
Shogun: what's going on! it just came down, launched fighters and left!
Rudy: i think they also cloaked. the cruiser isn't appearing on sensors.
Agahnim: I see you successfully figured out what happened to the mothership!
Shogun: who is this! who is splicing into my secure line!
Rudy: I don't know what your talking about.
Agahnim: only you can hear me.
Shogun: Rudy, when i get back i need a mental scan of my brain.
Agahnim: they didnt hear you, i am jamming the area.
*a fighter appears out of seemingly nowhere and starts shooting at the manta-ray*
Agahnim: I am your worst nightmare!
Shogun: likewise.
*manta-ray instantly turns around and is flying at full reverse speed*
Agahnim: very impressive.
Shogun: you don't expect this, though.
*the wings on agahnim's fighter contort out of shape, but then they flop back into shape*
Agahnim: i see you share a similar skill to my own! fortunately, I can block it just as easily as you can!
Shogun: then its just a classic dogfight!
*shogun hits the afterburners and agahnim barely dodges*
Agahnim: nice. we shall meet again.
Shogun: You aren't going to escape my wrath!
Agahnim: uh, your right, we shall meet again in a few years.
*agahnim's ship starts emitting tachyons*
Shogun: your not escaping via FTL! *shogun starts sending countermeasures to prevent agahnim from entering FTL*
Agahnim: oh bloody hell, perhaps you are coming with me then!
*agahnim's ship enters an artificially created wormhole, and shogun, being unable to pull away in time, enters the wormhole*
Computer: warning! warning! engine failure!
*manta-ray starts descending rapidly*
Shogun: computer activate afterburners!
Computer: afterburners operating at 6%! we are losing altitude!
Shogun: status of the wings!
Computer: insufficient speed to generate lift but the wings are fine
Shogun: determine what caused engine failure!
*manta-ray starts spiralling down faster and faster, but shogun manages to turn a head-on nosecrash into a nice skid*
Shogun: argh, that's going to hurt later on when the adrenaline wears off. computer, determine our location.
Computer: the location is the american west coast.
Shogun: odd. check the stars and determine if we are still on earth.
Computer: earth, check.
Shogun: then what changed when we entered the wormhole?
Computer: unknown. my sensors are compromised. ask jupiter to run a complete diagnostic on me when we get back.
Shogun: computer, would a guestimate that we are approximately 60 years in the future be logically accurate?
Computer: being in the future would indeed explain a great many things.
Shogun: that would explain why the sun looks like it's near its end, yet the ruins of san francisco are still there.
Computer: i just said that.
Shogun: are the sensor logs intact?
Computer: unknown, but my access to them is damaged. the information im getting out of them is all corrupt, and my nanobot production fascilities are disabled.
Shogun: I'm going to work on effecting repairs.
Agahnim: this is precisely what i wanted!
Shogun: oh hell, not you again!
Agahnim: I wanted this world to burn and it appears that, although it is going to take a century, my plans are going to succeed!
Shogun: I find it hard to believe you come from the future as i did.
Agahnim: likewise.
*shogun draws his sword and takes a swing; agahnim stops the blade with one of his own*
Shogun: same material?
Agahnim: most definitely. before you take another swing, THIS is going to be what your world is like without you! the sun is so dark, plants cannot grow! solar panels cannot extract the energy!
Shogun: surely that cannot be possible!
Agahnim: it is true! your ship's solar cells will die in less than 4 hours and you will be permanently trapped on this barren wasteland!
Shogun: as will you.
Agahnim: fortunately, i can escape whenever i want!
Shogun: then it is my personal mission to use you to--
*agahnim's sword suddenly bursts into fire; he spins around, and bolts of fire start coming out of the sky*
Shogun: not as easy as i thought it would be!
*shogun slashes at agahnim, and misses; he charges, and agahnim moves out of the way. shogun nearly falls off the cliffside.*
Agahnim: i suggest you fall.
Shogun: no.
*shogun turns around and tries to deck agahnim, who simply dodges it. shogun then grabs agahnim and takes him down the cliff; shogun lands on top of agahnim, and he finds the fighter.*
Shogun: salvation!
*shogun gets into the fighter and flies it up the cliff side. then he lands and starts dismantling the fighter for parts; he installs as many as he can onto manta-ray.*
Shogun: computer, can you create a similar wormhole that will bring us back?
Computer: uncertain, but probability of success is 97%.
Shogun: do it. lets get out of here.
*an artificial wormhole is formed in front of manta-ray; manta-ray launches and shogun pilotes it into the wormhole. they return to the 21st century*

Joshua: so your saying that in the future, if you hadn't returned, earth would become a barren wasteland?
Shogun: not only that, but the sun would grow so dark that plants couldn't possibly survive. in addition, solar panels wouldnt work, and all of humanity would go extinct.
Joshua: incredible. no reward I can give you for saving us from that fate would suffice.
Aphrodite: I am quite sure that I would be an acceptable reward.
Shogun: well--
Rudy: Galaxos to the nameless shogun, come in!
Shogun: what is it, rudy?
Rudy: there is a gatokatzen vessel decloaking. they wish to speak to you.
Shogun: I'm on my way. oh, and aphrodite, no.
*shogun gets into the manta-ray and leaves*
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